New Girl in the City

We often make plans about what needs to be done in life and how we want our life to turn out to be eventually. For controll freaks like me, it can be quite a herculian task to deal with; I mean the consequences of the plan, more than the process of planning. It is all a part of learning though. They say that lifestyle is chosen by the kind of environment we have, the climate, the surroundings, the people and of course our tastes. I had made a list of things I should have in the next city that I would live in and was really excited about it. Of course this new city is beautiful and it did keep the excitement in me alive for a very long time; until I fell sick, along with nearly half of my class; all thanks to the weather of my new city. But then again, I reminded myself of the splendid time I’d had before I fell sick and I fell in love with Delhi all over again. A family friend of mine asked me how I’m liking the place, to which I replied, “I really love it”. And she smiled and asked me that I thought you would be really proud of the place you come from. I told her I am but I like the newness and the sense of independence Delhi has for me to offer. She accepted the answer. Before I came here, I had plans of what my new room would look like, how thick my blanket will be and so many other minor details. Things of course don’t work out as planned to this extent. I’ve learnt to be a better controller of situations by letting things take their own course and making the best of what I have. I somehow cannot compromise with the sense of being in controll. It is a virtue or vice, I do not know. About this sense of independence, I’ve heard that it all began when Rennaisance brought about the revolutionary idea of the ‘freedom of thought’. Contemporary philosophers do argue however, that the psychological implications it has are pretty assorted. My most recent anxiety attack ‘in my new city Dilli’ (I like calling it so, coz it sort of made place in my heart so soon) was because of similar reasons. As much as I admire my sense of independence and freedom, I can’t help but wonder if I am having to compromise with the bonding and kinship that being dependent brings. I’m getting way too philosophical over a minor illness that I had; but then, I certainly will not supress the thoughts it brings into my mind. I certainly do miss being pampered the way I am at home, but can’t the two come together? Confirmity has never been my cup of tea but I am extremely empathetic. I guess striking a balance between the two; confirmity and liberty is something I need to work on to make life better for me. It wont be easy I know. But if that’s what it takes to make me happy, I guess it’s totally worth the efforts. :)